Screenwriter and lyricist Javed Akhtar recently remarked that marriage is an overrated institution.
Presentation by Barkha Dutt The Mojo storyAkhtar, who is married to actress Shabana Azmi, was asked about the dynamics of their long-time relationship, to which he replied, “Actually, we’ve barely been married. we are friends My only qualification for a good marriage is this: Are you friends or not? Marriage is useless (The concept of marriage is nonsense). It is a centuries-old tradition, it is a stone that has been carved out of mountains over centuries. And going down the mountain, it has collected a lot of moss, a lot of dirt and mud…”
Akhtar said that bonds can flourish outside of traditional frameworks, and for those who feel it Marriage is not for themCohabitation, cohabitation, and civil unions are increasingly being explored as viable options.
These structures challenge traditional notions of relationships and open up possibilities for building connections based on mutual respect and shared values without legal or social bonds. But how do such arrangements affect emotional and psychological well-being? We turn to psychology to shed light on this evolving dynamic.
Existential psychiatrist Gurleen Barua of The Culture Thing tells indianexpress.com, “The influence of Non-traditional relationship structures Like cohabitation, cohabitation, or civil unions, emotional security and long-term relationship satisfaction really depend on the people involved. For some, marriage—with its traditions, social norms, and legal framework—provides a sense of security and stability. These people can feel anchored by the structure and commitment marriage represents.”
However, she adds that it’s important to recognize that marriage is a social construct, and not everyone aligns with its traditional patterns. “Adults who decide not to marry or to form relationships outside traditional norms — such as cohabitation or cohabitation — are making choices based on their values and preferences.”
Ultimately, mutual consent and understanding between the people in the relationship is important.
For couples, the first step is to have an honest conversation about what they really want from their relationship (Source: Freepick)
Couples should consider psychological factors before deciding not to marry in favor of such options
Barouah suggests that when couples consider getting out of marriage and choosing options such as cohabitation, cohabitation, or a civil union, “the first step is to have an honest conversation about what they really want from their relationship.” It is important to explore how they both see things The idea of partnership And why the traditional pattern of marriage doesn’t seem like the right fit.
It is equally important to discuss what is most important in their relationship. Do they prioritize autonomy, equality or flexibility over the social norms that marriage provides? Are they comfortable navigating relationships without the formal “security” that marriage often symbolizes? While some thrive on the freedom of non-traditional arrangements, others may feel that the lack of structure makes them feel uncomfortable or insecure.
Barua says, “From an anthropological perspective, marriage has always been a reflection of cultural, economic and social needs. Historically, it was not about love but alliance and stability. In today’s world, where Individualism and personal fulfillment have become central, it is natural for some to reconsider these traditional structures. But even as partnerships are redefined, couples still interact with social norms, whether they choose to embrace or resist them. “
Ultimately, she says, the decision to leave a marriage is deeply personal. It’s not about rejecting marriage for its own sake but about building a relationship that feels authentic and meaningful to the people involved. “At the heart of it all is connection, and whether or not that comes with a marriage license is entirely up to the people in the relationship.”
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